"the internet blew my back out," or why I changed websites to talk about longer topics

Apr. 11, 2023 5:26 AM

This post was originally written for my Dreamwidth blog on the timestamp written above - the original formatting has been preserved whenever possible.

Hi, I'm Novalaxia. I sometimes do things online. Inspired by a couple of individuals I have heard of elsewhere, I decided to make a Dreamwidth account to articulate my thoughts on topics that I think are just too long for Twitter, without any of the... lack of nuance that it tends to attract. With a untouched slice of bread in my mouth, here's topic one!

the internet SUCKS lately

My feelings on the current state of the modern internet, especially the overbearing influence of social media, have been increasingly negative as the years pass. I think Covid has definitely accelerated my "get out of here ASAP" sentiment tenfold, and with how the landscape has become frustratingly hostile on even the most silly or inconsequential of topics, I find myself becoming more withdrawn from the online landscape as a whole. It's almost infuriating how I will be talking to someone about a topic we share common ground on, and less than 10 minutes later, I have seen them QRT one of the worst people alive with a response that makes me think "homie. you did not need to type that out. STOP." The period between August 2022 and January 2023 was probably my breaking point, in that regard. If you know anything about the "discourse" surrounding YGO, fighting games, or rhythm games during this time, then you can possibly guess what the likely catalyst is.

Something I never talked about at length until now is that making videos on Yu-Gi-Oh!, a particular passion game of mine, had devastated my mental state. I still enjoy playing the game, and am still crafting decks/theories to this day, but the seven months in which I was making content primarily focused on the game took a toll on me in ways I could not have possibly imagined. Having to constantly view some of the vitriol that the average player had for their fellow competitor, whether they were cis, trans, straight, gay, or just otherwise unbothered by an inclusive community, was painful. It didn't help that several relatively high-profile figures kept playing their hands as ignorant or terrible people: the shame I felt by association was unbearable. By the time I had published the Link-2 video on January 23rd 2023, I'd probably be going about less than 12 hours a day without reading some controversy that didn't elicit complete dejection out of me. It drained me. I wish such a fate on nobody.

Part of me is glad I have been able to move on from that period. In some way, I think I'm again at that stage of life where I'm satisfied doing my own thing here. But on the other hand, I don't really know where else I can go. A lot of the friends I've met online over the years have begrudgingly changed with the times, moving to bigger services after their usual forum grounds were rendered unusable. A lot of friends I meet nowadays, for lack of a better term, simply don't care. It puts me at a strange impasse. You could say... The Paths of Destiny.

I've become disillusioned with the "alternatives" that people bring up. Discord is a messaging platform that every scene tries to kitbash into their own Library of Alexandria, burning and all. Twitter is home to some of the most inflammatory discussions on the planet, all thanks to the 280 character limit that users INSIST should be used for serious discussions. Reddit... just kinda sucks, lol. And don't get me started on the intellectual black hole that is Youtube. Dear lord.

Bad jokes aside, I'm torn between finding some relief from how garbage the modern internet has become at the cost of my remaining connections, and shackling myself to websites I don't even want to use just because my homies are there. It takes a toll on my sanity sometimes, and really, I should just take the former choice and become a SDVX offline grinder. (as you can tell, I like to whine about factors entirely within my control because I am very fickle.)

why did you make a dreamwidth account?

There are a lot of topics I want to talk about in great detail, but aren't suited to Twitter (or most websites, really) because they're TOO LONG. I had several Twitter threads documenting the music I listen to every year, but with the revelation that I Deeply Dislike Social Media, I wanted to move those kinds of threads here, so I could better articulate why I enjoy certain aspects so much. For instance, I've been invested in DJ SHARPNEL's works lately, and reading about the J-core history surrounding his earlier music is something that would be difficult to discuss in 280 characters. Being able to post about that kinda thing in more detail would be neat, for sure.

Author's note: This happened. Check out the video I made on that exact topic here.

I also want to have a space to talk about topics that wouldn't quite fit as Youtube videos. Right now, I'd say my channel is mainly focused on esoteric shit I like, such as Revue Starlight, rhythm games, and analyses on super out-there nonsense that most people don't even know exists. My thoughts on doujin music, or the state of rhythm games, for instance, are definitely topics I want to touch upon at a later date. Longform discussions that aren't good for my YT channel? They'll likely go here!

Author's note: lol

Long story short, I think this will be the place for "behind the scenes" afterwords on my content, and other stuff that relates to my fancies. Do read warmly.

Of course, I'll still have my Twitter account up. There admittedly isn't a better place to share new videos, and typing up a lengthy post in tandem with releases means the process takes way, way longer. Sorry. also I want a place to post my SDVX scores and this is not the site to do it lol

(as a side note. the name of this Dreamwidth journal comes from Lost Parliament by Juggernaut., which is my favourite track in SOUND VOLTEX. definitely a banger track. quite a fitting name for this page - a place intended for discussion, obscured by time.)

so what's next?

With this page, I'd like to try and detox from the wider internet. It's tough being surrounded by well-intentioned friends and acquaintances who constantly engage with posts to try "dunking on them" or changing their mind (spoiler: you just make those who respect you angry for making THEM look at it instead) so perhaps this page will be a refreshing change of pace where I truly do yell into the empty spaces of the internet for a few friends to read. My smile and optimism has been lost, but maybe it will return with a period away from that kind of normality.

I feel as if writing has consistently been my weakest link as a person. I apologise if any of this reads like the delusional ramblings of some madman who's achieved some half-boiled sense of enlightenment, but does not want to persist in such a quest any further. My indecisiveness prevents me from being more articulate with my thoughts, but this is probably the best I can do.

For now, I ask that we be kinder to one another. Society would not be much different, but it would go a long way towards making those without some concrete connections in life feel welcome in a world where such mercy is less charitable.

[keep on movin']